work in progress.

that old trivium

Late night realization that, being in the study of mathematics, my abilities as a logician are  improving, but I’m becoming sloppy in my usage of grammar and rhetor.  Dang.  

Continue seeking Him with seriousness. Unless He wanted you, you would not be wanting Him.

- C.S. Lewis

In my doubt and weakness, I need to remind myself I’m wanted.  

insane

some late night thoughts

I’m the sort of guy that could give thousands of reasons… thousands of reasons pleasing to the intellect and gratifying to the soul, to believe in the love of the Father, the hope of Jesus Christ, the power of the Holy Spirit, the justice of the creator, the reality of the Word, the salvation of the Spirit of Truth… but the truth is, any of these hypothetical reasons… these causations are not what ought to matter most.  Whether mortal or divine, the glory of God must stand firmly above all other pursuits.  

A part of seeking the glory of God is to press hard into righteousness.  How often, and how easily, do I yield my affections to the idols and sins of my life - to the things besides Him?  How many times have I lied to myself, and others, that I’m chasing hard after a godly life?  I think I too often forget that pursuing holiness isn’t an evasion of bad things, but an relentless battle for the good things of God found in Him and Him alone.  

However, if things were only that simple.  Well, they are simple, but mankind sucks and makes things complicated.  Complication comes from misconception.  The source of these misconceptions generally flows from any combination of two easily distinguishable spectra, and to label such spectra I will use two incredibly vague words used in today’s Christian diction: heart and mind.  

In my experience, the word “heart” has become synonymous with “feelings” to some degree.  And to a degree, it is justified.  I believe it’s fair enough to say that the state of the heart is usually reflected in symptoms we call feelings.  But is following the heart all that God’s about?  I wouldn’t be able to count the number of times I believed that I was pressing hard after God by just evangelizing or doing service or singing my heart out straight for Him.  To a reader that’s read this far down: (to the musicians) does the time spent in playing song to Him compare to the time spent in silence waiting for Him?  Does time spent in prayer compare to the time spent reading the Word and listening to Him?  For a young Christian, for me especially, it’s a massive pitfall and devious trap.  Don’t fool yourself into believing that the service you selflessly provide or the praise you so fervently sing is adequate. Does a man know his wife by sweet words and intimate encounters alone?  Or a wife know her husband perhaps by just by nobly sacrificing her days doing his will?  No!  Neither can we truly seek God by just our times of prayer and worship and service, no matter how sincere.  Like a marriage that doesn’t uphold itself with just sex, we must not settle for the fleeting moments of goodness alone, but press into the Word of God and listen to our Bridegroom.  

I’d like to think of myself as a reasonably intellectual guy and it stands to reason that there’s a lot to know about this God.  However, many succumb to reducing Him to theology, terminology, doctrine, and really smart sounding words.  How many times have we deluded ourselves into believing that just the study of the theology of the Christian faith is an equivalent venture to a honest pursuit of God Himself? Like the former situation of “heart spectrum,” I’m not saying these are not bad things, in fact they’re good.  However, we must remember this: God is not meant to be analyzed, but to be revered, obeyed, adored, worshipped, and loved.  

Now, I have to stop and clarify that these two things are not bad things.  These things are amazing.  A heart and mind sold out for God is nothing short of celebration worthy… however, there is a clear flaw in these things.  These two become sources for misconception, complication, and thus misdirection simply because they act as the source(s).  When we make our hearts and our minds the wells from which we draw water, it’s no wonder we don’t taste the true drink of the Christ that promises us eternal satiation.  Our drive to love God with all our hearts must come from Him.  Our longings to know God with all our minds must come from Him.  If we are to love Him in more and more fullness, He and His glory must be our source and our goal.  We are the likeness of God, but we are.. Imperfect.  Tainted.  Finite.  Thus our love, and our capacity to love, must come from Love Himself, and none other.   

I’ve had a lot late nights recently..

… I remember You upon my bed, and meditate on You in the watches of the night;

for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.  

Psalm 63:6-8

Where is my hope?

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.

He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:5-8

Yes.